i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
