i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
