brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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