I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
