So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize