just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
