the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
