i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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