She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
