i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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