I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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