six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
you never un-have a 4some
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
