I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
