i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
