pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
