Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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