well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
this must be what syphilis tastes like
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize