My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
