i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
