got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
