ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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