And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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