you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
