Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I take back everything I said about communal showers
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
