Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
