I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Randomize
