just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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