So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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