Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
