CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
