We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
