I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
