the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
How's work?
Spinning.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
