I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
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