I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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