her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
