the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Let's get the cat blown out
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
