My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize