She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I CAN MOONWALK!
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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