Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
