Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize