i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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