Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
