I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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