She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
