it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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