By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
i came on her dog
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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