May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
