Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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