Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
