I feel like I'm in dance class right now
found the other keg... it's in the tree
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize