Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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