it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize