I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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