life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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