i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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