So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
