you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize