I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Randomize
