No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize