Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
