I can text with my tongue
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
