we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
