Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
