why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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