My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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