I should be sponsored by Trojan
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
