that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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