haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
