By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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